I fully admit it. It’s my fault. I eat meat. I chose to have children. I drive a car powered with petroleum products. I own a dog in the city. I own more clothes and shoes than I can wear in one week.
These things are so much a part of our life, so comfortable, so important to our self image or sense of happiness, so easily justified. Now that I’ve managed to opt out of the conventional food stream I’m trying to do more, but sometimes doing more in one area means doing less in another. Sometimes I have to question if that is really helping in the long run. If I have to drive my car greater distances to a farm in order to pickup local dairy, a chicken package or boxes of tomatoes so that I don’t buy conventional ones in BPA lined cans trucked great distances is that really helping the planet?
It’s true I can find out exactly what the cows are fed in the milking parlor, what percentage of their diet is grass or hay, what type of cows they are, how they are treated, if they live directly underneath power lines or along train tracks or the freeway where food and water are certainly picking up fumes. I can see and feel the soil my tomatoes were grown in and I know I’m not contributing to forced labor situations, bad factory conditions, unsustainable farming practices that are somehow allowed to be labeled “organic”. But if I’m consuming more gas in order to bypass those things – is that the answer? I don’t know.
There are so many variables and disconnected goals. Despite that I feel I have a very clear voice, I myself feel conflicted. I started this journey as a way to protect and nurture the health of my own children. In order to do that I felt like I had to become a food isolationist. By opting out of the conventional food system I am in no way contributing to it’s misguided ways. And by encouraging others to do the same I hope to create ripples that will feed into bigger and bigger movements that may someday create a whirlpool of change in the food system.
Removing chemicals from my food is a natural precursor to removing them from all my household products – cleaning agents, lotions and soaps. This feeds my desire to eliminate a market for these unnecessarily mined and manufactured items. I can see how the number of items in my pantry, cupboards and medicine cabinet have shrank over the last few years. That means less distribution of products, packaging of products, manufacturing of products and marketing of products. I have significantly reduced my garbage and recycling service as well. This feeds my desire to be green and lower my carbon footprint.
After watching Food, Inc. I can no longer eat meat unless I know the quality of life it had, and the quality of death. It’s not enough for me to buy it at the farmer’s market or a local healthy food store. I need to visit the farm, see the life the animals have led and be present at the moment of death. I have added an ethical element to my needs, as well as nutritional and environmental.
Now I know that there is more to chicken than “natural” or “free range” or even “organic”. Even Joel Salatin raises Cornish Cross birds, although he is doing it in the best possible way one could raise Cornish Cross birds – over grass in tractors. After helping a friend process her 23 meat birds a few months ago which she raised in her backyard I’m trying to remove Cornish Cross chickens from our diets. The birds are bred to be ready for market much quicker than their bodies are able to keep up with. The feathers can’t keep up with the body development, they consume and poop large quantities of feed which makes them stink and they are caked in their own excrement because they can’t move around easily. They suffer from all manner of health issues so it’s good they are processed early, in order to put them out of misery. I don’t want to support that kind of “sustainable” or “organic” pastured meat.
Who knew eating would become so complicated? I now need to know the breed of animal (is it a heritage breed that needs protecting or capable of reaching full size in a normal, healthy manner?), the manner in which it was raised (was the animal raised in a manner that’s sustainable to the land it was on? was it treated with respect and allowed a good life?), the diet (was it fed a diet appropriate to it’s evolutionary requirements and was that diet supporting genetically modified crops in any way, shape or form, or the overfishing of oceans?) and the quality of death (did the animal experience trauma or was it ill treated at any point in the process?).
Any one of these things alone makes eating meat difficult, especially when you add in that I don’t want to expend petroleum driving great distances in order to obtain it. I find myself at odds with the whole offshore oil drilling question. Should it be allowed? If I don’t agree with it then I should stop consuming all petroleum products. That is my fault too.
And then there is the question of if we even should be eating meat, ethically. When I went up to Ebey Farm to meet my future bacon I had serious doubts that I could follow through with it. I’ve always had a soft spot for pigs – they are highly intelligent creatures. When Andrea scratched the back of one who was struggling to reach a certain itch, it glanced up at her with exactly the same expression my own dog gives me, of cognitive gratitude and satisfaction. Chubby enjoyed the same things in life that my dog does. If I can eat pork could I not also eat dog? What makes it ok to eat one living creature and not another?
Is it that we can form an emotional bond with some creatures and not others? Because there are plenty of backyard chicken owners whose birds are family. In fact, there is a whole market for chicken diapers so that they watch tv with you. I’ve been following the progress of Baby Jane whose mother did not recover after birthing. It’s obviously easy to form a strong bond with a cow who you breed annually, milk daily and care for from birth to death. Yet emotionally I have no issues eating beef, nor do most Americans. Is a cow such a far leap from a horse? And why are most vegetarians not averse to eating fish? Did the fish not have the same natural instinct to survive that a pig, chicken or cow did?
As a gardener I have no problem unleashing rabid ladybugs and attracting parasite-eating wasps to my yard. That’s my fault too. I allow my children to crush snails or slugs as they find them and I myself have squished plenty of slugs that were devastating our food. Are they too not living things with an instinct to survive? What about my vegetables? Do they not have some level of survival instinct?
Is it easier on our psyches and the planet to consume genetically altered soy beans that have been treated with hexane and a host of other toxic chemicals in order to convert them to the physical forms they take as they sit in their shrink wrapped packages behind refrigerated cases at stores near and far?
I find it interesting that not all Buddhists are vegetarians. Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche in Change of Heart says
“It’s a hopeless situation, because if we don’t eat we die. Since we have to eat, how can we minimize the harm involved?…To Buddhists, every life is of equal value. Most Tibetans don’t eat fish because usually several have to be consumed to satisfy a single person’s hunger. Highlanders prefer to eat yak because twenty people can live on the meat of a single animal for twenty days. They often think of lowlanders as non-virtuous because they kill so many beings when they plow the land – beings living in the ground, by exposing them to the elements and the birds; beings living above the ground, by burying or squashing them; and even more beings during the cultivation and watering of crops….None of these people want to create non virtue, but they can’t avoid it. The important thing is motivation. It is highly commendable to refrain from eating meat to spare a being from suffering and death. If your intention is never to eat grains or vegetables for the same reason, that is also very good….All beings exist interdependently. Consuming the flesh of an animal, or vegetables and grains cultivated and harvested at the expense of many insects’ lives, establishes a connection into one of virtue.”
I’m not sure what the answer is. But I do know that whatever your choices are you are just as guilty as I am. This is not a black and white issue so none of us have the right to be judgmental of other’s food choices. I started this post thinking it would be about processing rabbits but realized how conflicted I am about the whole issue. I felt exactly this way when I went up to the farm to process my pig and when I went to my friend’s to help her process her meat birds.
The one thing I do know is that it’s my fault. And I would never have known that if I had simply purchased processed meat from someone and not been involved in it’s demise.
Wow, I must say I’ve had the same conflicting emotions. The thing is that we are beating ourselves up over something that has been a part of our beings for as long as there has been life.
No matter what we choose to eat, something will die. There are no options, aside from living in a cave and eating wild berries, that won’t create some kind of impact. All that we can do is to make the decisions that we feel are the best. By eating local, humanely, sustainably raised meat, we are doing just that. Eating veggies still destroys animals and their habitats. We do the best we can.
You are doing a wonderful job. The more of us that decide that this is important, the less of an impact will be made. By being so passionate and spreading the word, you are helping to eliminate feedlots and monocropping. We have a long way to go, but we’ll get there. Dont’ beat yourself up. There are no easy answers.
P.S. I LOVE your blog and on a recent trip to our HEB I had an extended visit with the Gramma in front of me at the check-out as I saw the extended store of LUNCHABLES she was stocking up on for the grandkids…Gramma’s know how to win hearts and tummies for sure!
Many of my friends, particularly female friends, are suffering chronic systemic disease from a all vegetarian, usually vegan diet. Women in their thirties and forties have skin that is fragile, gray, and crinkly looking. Their hair is falling out. They have vitamin deficiencies that lead to digestive problems (watery diarrhea) and chronic conditions (anemia, fatigue, mood swings.) They can’t exercise except some occasional dancing. Their libido is messed up, and they have trouble getting pregnant.
We are not cows. We are not cows. We are omnivores and we need meat, butter, cheese, grains, and vegetables. You don’t have a eat a lot of meat or dairy products. A little goes a long a way. If you think a fish is the same as a human being, you need to see a doctor. Good thoughts here: don’t buy more than you need, eat carefully and well, respect your food and the people who bring it to you. But don’t kill yourself. Its not worth it.
You’ve brought up some very, very good points. When I get confused, I read this:
“And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.
12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;
13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.
14 All agrain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;
15 And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.
16 All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—
17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.
18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;
19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.”
Yes, yes- it’s scripture (Doctrine and Covenants, Section 89. I’m LDS.) But every time I start driving myself crazy, I think: OK we were given these things to EAT. Yes, we should be kind. Yes, we should be mindful. Yes, we shouldn’t use more than our share. But still, we’ve got to eat
Good, good points today!
Hey Myrnie,
I don’t know if you would get this but thought I would try. I’ve read and re-read this over and over. Still unclear. It seems we were meant to eat everything sparingly. So what were we supposed to eat as much as we wanted of? Nothing? Maybe this was his way of saying to eat a varied diet? I’d love your thoughts since I know you have reflected on this greatly.
I’ve thought about the gasoline issue as well. Right now I live about 30 miles from the city farmers market. That is going to change soon as I get ready to move into the city, but for the time being I do drive that distance on my day off to purchase the food that I eat. It feels up front like I am making the situation worse by driving so much further than my grocery store less than a mile away. But in reality, even with that extra mileage, the local food I buy these days has still traveled less distance, used less gasoline and other resources than the food that comes to my grocery store. And on top of that I know that what I’m eating was treated well, is not full of antibiotics and pesticides, and is supporting people in the community where I live.
And when I DO move closer in, so much the better.
You aren’t alone!! As ‘do-ers’ there is always the persistent feeling of “I should be doing more!” It hits me too at the oddest of times and I just have to remember to step back and be proud of what we are doing! I may be odd but I am very proud of small things like the one small bag of trash in the can when our recycle bins are over flowing. I am doing what I can when I can do it, and from here my son will learn and take this knowledge and grow it further. I can be proud I have started a chain reaction of living better than I hope will continue to spread to the people around me.
Remember to step back and take pride in what you ARE doing sometimes too!
~Kelli @ Smidgens
Annette, love your thoughts and as Kelli said, as do-ers, we are always wanting to do more. I’m a believer in Christ and know that there will never be enough that we can do because in the end, we are living in a dying world. My HOPE is in Him
I know one day, we will live as we were made to live, in peace and harmony just as Adam and Eve did in the beginning. With that perspective, I also know that in the meantime God said to kill and eat. So with a heart of compassion, I choose to grow my own, raise my own, and support my local family farmers whom I personally know. I am expecting 15 heritage breed chickens here in a couple weeks and will do my best in raising them the way God intended before harvest 
You’re doing great Annette!! You are inspiring many others
I have come to the conclusion that I will never be a vegetarian. I haven’t tried it, and I don’t want to try it. Therefore, I am trying to raise all of the meat we eat. I’m slowly getting there (we just bought our property a year ago). I’m now raising meat chickens, namely Cornish X. These birds do not have to be crippled or grow like they do in factory systems. My Cornish X free range with the layers, they run and eat bugs, they take dust baths. I haven’t lost a single bird to heart attacks or had one go lame because he was too big. I know how they’re being treated (because I am the one handling them), I know what they eat, and I process them myself. This breed grows the best and has the best feed conversion. That’s why I raise them, because I’m not rich and can’t afford to keep other breeds twice as long as I’d keep a cornish X. I also have turkeys, sheep (for lamb), and plan to get meat rabbits very soon. We also eat venison and we have layers for eggs and a goat for our milk.
IMO, it’s not wasteful to drive to markets to get your food, because you’re not making a 1500 mile trip to get the veggies, unlike the veggies in the supermarket making that 1500 mile trek to the store.
I mean where is it going to end? If I was concerned about specifics like breeds and the exact diet the birds are eating, I’d go hungry around here. There aren’t many options, so we’re raising them ourselves. Well, I’d still raise my own even if my neighbor raised them too. I enjoy having animals.
I must eat. I know my overall health is much improved when I eat an abundance of plant based food, meat, dairy, eggs, and fish and keep sugars and highly processed foods to a bare minimum. I feel better, keep a good weight, and am rarely sick when I eat in that manner. It’s when I let processed foods and too much sugar enter my life that I gain weight, get sick, and generally have less vitality.
So, I will feed my family from all of the food groups and do my best to provide good sources of each within the practical constraints of time and money available to me.
I must travel to get my supplies because not all of it can be grown on my property – but I can optimize my driving time to be most efficient and less wasteful.
In short, I know that I could always do much more and that many of my choices are not ideal for the environment etc, but I refuse to get all wrapped around the axle about it and instead try to just in general live more simply, use less, and grow more of my own. Not the perfect solution but it is better than the standard american lifestyle and diet.
I think it’s natural for one change to ripple outward. It was pretty easy for me to make the switch from grocery store to farmers’ market after I read Omnivore’s Dilemma (for me to go to the market and back home is only 3 miles round-trip, I usually walk or rollerblade). And then I, too, started thinking about the other facets of it. For example, what about my dogs’ food? I’ve always make an effort to feed them quality kibble (they’re on Wellness Core right now, a grain-free holistic diet), but I’ll bet the animal protein in their food came from CAFOs. That’s not an industry I want to support, so I’ve started looking around for alternatives. I just sourced a raw food supplier that uses organic veggies and pastured meat (Nature’s Variety), but it would cost about $5 per day per dog, which is quite a jump. There’s a wide spectrum of other options to consider: from shipping in food manufactured in China (no thanks) to growing it all in my backyard (yes please!), but somewhere along that line there has to be a point where good and good enough intersect, so I can make a decision that I feel good about and which fits in my lifestyle.
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Thank you for this incredibly thought provoking post. I agree with what you said about it kind of being a catch-22. We all have to eat, so I think that it is important to make THE BEST choices that you are able to in regards to your food. The best might not be perfect, but it is the best you can do. This might also change over time, living situations, and increased education about the food industry. Right now, me and my husband eat conventionally raised meat. I am certainly not ok with this, and we are moving towards other things, but we live in a large city without farms nearby, and we simply cannot afford other options at the moment. However, my husband does hunt, so once we move (in august) he will have more opportunity to hunt and we will be hopefully eating mostly venison. Does this make it all better? I don’t really know. What I do know is that the deer that we’ll be eating will have had the most natural life that it was supposed to have, and I feel ok about that. There is a cycle of life, and not everything can just keep on going. I also enjoyed the passage that Mrynie posted. Thank you again for your post!
Mom, you are so right. My body does not want to be vegetarian but my heart clearly does. I’m sure once I reconcile the two I’ll stop waxing on.
Nancy, thank you – grandmas seem to need a LOT of reminding how tiny organs process that stuff.
Uncle Mike – thank you. I’m done denying my body inputs it seems to need in order to maintain weight and muscle levels. The last thing I want is to be frail in later years, unable to continue enjoying life.
Myrnie – thanks for including this. He did not say “eat caged things fed altered synthetics to your heart’s content.”
Melissa – just that you are thinking about it tells me you are onto the solution. We all need to think more as we go about our daily lives, and broaden our ripples.
Kelli – thank you! I do need to take a step back frequently.
Diana – I can’t wait to see your setup and read about it. Please do talk about how your young children feel too. My 6 year old has a pet bunny in his classroom. This was challenging for him.
Katiegirl – I look forward to hearing about how that goes for you. I’ve been following this: http://antiquityoaks.blogspot.com/2010/05/chicken-for-dinner-part-2.html with fascination.
KFG your garden is such an inspiration to me – I can’t wait to read as your chickens start laying eggs!
Trini, the dog inputs and outputs are killing me now that we have made changes in all other areas. Now school is out or winding down and harvest is beginning for me so it’s all I can do to keep running my store and respond to blog comments but I really want to devote time to improving it. I don’t ever want to not have a dog in the city like this, burglaries are so common place in the last few years.
Lauren – you’re right, it is a cycle of life. I keep thinking what if it were me on that end of the broom stick. Would I be in pain or distress? So far I feel like if the roles were reversed I would realize things were out of the ordinary but not much more. I hope to keep it that way.
You are doing a marvelous job just questioning. What pains me is hearing people say they just can’t be bothered or don’t want to know. “La la la la can’t hear you.”
Annette – one place I came across for dog food is almost local to you – http://www.darwinspet.com – they use pastured meat and organic veggies. I like everything about them except that I have to ship clear out to Ohio (at $1 extra per pound + fossil fuels).
Trini – thank you for forwarding that link. I have a really old dog with GI issues so I’m wondering how they would be affected by switching her diet but I think I’m going to try it and see! I would love to make her more sustainable.
Thanks for this post.
As a vegan-turned-hunter, I can relate to the all questions you raise about diet, ethics, animal welfare, and sustainability. As you say, these things are not nearly as black-and-white as we often think.
By the way, I found your blog by way of Jess’s recent post on rabbits. I look forward to following.
Tovar, your blog is amazing and the discussion in the comments on meat eating were really thought provoking as well. Thanks so much for taking the time to come here and post. I really appreciate hearing from someone who has spent so much time thinking about this business of eating meat and tried it from all angles.
I know this is an old post, but I just stumbled on it and had to add my two cents, although it may only be worth 1.
I have been thinking a lot about being self sufficient and have come to the conclusion that pigs are necessary on a homestead. I am talking about a personal homestead and not as a means for income by producing. In the early homestead days it was very common for a family to have a pig. A pig doesn’t take as much space as a cow and can be given table scraps. A family without refrigeration would be able to supply one pig with plenty of table scraps (which I am sure was helpful so that families did not feel they were wasting). Now this pig would not be as big as the mass produced pigs we are use to seeing at fairs and such. But it would be enough for a families needs, which is all that was needed. From a pig you get meat. Meat that is beautiful when cured and smoked to preserve it’s life.
Another life sustaining item from pigs is lard. Early homesteaders were not able to go to the store for olive oil, apricot oil, and coconut oil was unheard of. Butter might be present only if they had space for a dairy cow (or goat), but because butter yield isn’t that much from the cream I would think it would be used sparingly. And butter spoils where lard when properly prepared can be stored in a cold room.
Another yield from pigs is the hide. I know that it is fairly thin and porous, but it would still give you something for a light coat or gloves.
I think pigs become less sufficient when raised in large numbers for income purposes. I am glad that there are those trying to be as sufficient as possible with pigs so that those of us (like myself) who do not have space for pigs (yet) can still have a supply besides the over processed, hormone riddled, inhumane pork that is at the average store. I for one hope to some day have a small homestead and when I do I will raise a pig.
Waggie, the more complete my homestead becomes the more I see this is true. There are many garden and table scraps that can’t be fed to goats, rabbits or chickens (and also the byproducts of cheesemaking, etc). You are absolutely correct. And it is legal in Seattle to have a pot bellied pig as a pet. Which is kind of tempting…Thank you for adding your thoughts – they were worth well over two cents. xo!
I was not aware that pot bellied pigs would make a good meat animal… You are right it is very tempting